1. It takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but politeness prepares the way. Indeed, as ontaigne [Transcriber's note: Montaigne?] says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight. Urbanity is half of affability, and affability is a charm worth possessing. [Transcriber's Note: the capital letter beginning the name in this paragraph is missing in the original text.]
2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs the Christian. It is not virtue, but virtue inspires it. There are circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to pass under the little yoke of courtesy, but it is a passport to a greater soul standard.
3. Matthew Arnold says, "Conduct is three-fourths of character," and Christian benignity draws the line for conduct. A high sense of rectitude, a lowly soul, with a pure and kind heart are elements of nobility which will work out in the life of a human being at home—everywhere. "Private refinement makes public gentility."
4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resentment. Remember that if you permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you are ruined.
5. Cultivate a happy temper; banish the blues; a cheerful saguine spirit begets cheer and hope.
6. Be trustworthy and be trustful.
7. Do not place a light estimate upon the arts of good reading and good expression; they will yield perpetual interest.
8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local occurrences, but abhor gossip, and above all scandal.
9. Banish a self-conscience spirit—the source of much awkwardness—with a constant aim to make others happy. Remember that it is incumbent upon gentlemen and ladies alike to be neat in habits.
10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking: Head erect—not too rigid—chin in, shoulders back. Permit no unnecessary motion about the thighs. Do not lean over to one side in walking, standing or sitting; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it is deforming and therefore unhealthful.
11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs.
12. If the hands are allowed to swing in walking, the are should be limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully, if they almost touch the clothing.
13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost say, forget the hands except to keep them clean, including the nails, cordial and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the other. Study repose of attitude here as well as in the rest of the body.
14. Gestures are for emphasis in public speaking; do not point elsewhere, as a rule.
15. Greet your acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and smile, as you speak.
16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Never under any circumstances wink at another or communicate by furtive looks.
17. Should you chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear in mind your own self-respect, as well as the inexorable laws of society, and bow politely when you meet her. Reflect that you do not stand before all woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the bitterness of flirtation. No lady or gentleman will flirt. Remember ever that painful prediscovery is better than later disappointment. Let such experience spur you to higher exertion.
18. Discretion should be exercised in introducing persons. Of two gentlemen who are introduced, if one is superior in rank or age, he is the one to whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals, if one be a stranger in the place his name should be mentioned first.
19. In general the simpler the introduction the better.
20. Before introducing a gentleman to a lady, remember that she is entitled to hold you responsible for the acquaintance. The lady is the one to whom the gentleman is presented, which may be done thus: "Miss A, permit me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. B."; or, "Miss A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If mutual and near friends of yours, say simply, "Miss A. Mr. B."
21. Receive the introduction with a slight bow and the acknowledgment, "Miss A., I am happy to make your acquaintance"; or, "Mr. B., I am pleased to meet you." There is no reason why such stereotyped expressions should always be used, but something similar is expected. Do not extend the hand usually.
22. A true lady will avoid familiarity in her deportment towards gentlemen. A young lady should not permit her gentlemen friends to address her by her home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title Miss and Mr. respectively.
23. Ladies should be frank and cordial towards their lady friends, but never gushing.
24. Should you meet a friend twice or oftener, at short intervals, it is polite to bow slightly each time after the first.
25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight acquaintance will make a medium bow—neither too decided nor too slight or stiff.
26. For a gentleman to take a young lady's arm, is to intimate that she is feeble, and young ladies resent the mode.
27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she expects to meet a gentleman acquaintance, she should have a chaperon to accompany her, a person of mature years When possible, and never a giddy girl.
28. A lady should not ask a gentleman to walk with her.
SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH: Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at All Times and at All Places.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Posted by Victoriousme at 11:49 PM 0 comments
Labels: conduct, greetings, happy temper, virtues
SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH: SELF-CONTROL
Saturday, August 29, 2009
"Honor and profit do not always lie in the same sack."—GEORGE HERBERT.
"The government of one's self is the only true freedom for the individual."—FREDERICK PERTHES.
"It is length of patience, and endurance, and forbearance that so much of what is called good in mankind and womankind is shown."—ARTHUR HELPS.
1. Essence of Character.—Self-control is only courage under another form. It may also be regarded as the primary essence of character. It is in virtue of this quality that Shakespeare defines man as a being "looking before and after." It forms the chief distinction between man and the mere animal; and, indeed, there can be no true manhood without it.
2. Root of all the Virtues.—Self-control is at the root of all the virtues. Let a man give the reins to his impulses and passions, and from that moment he yields up his moral freedom. He is carried along the current of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for the time being.
3. Resist Instinctive Impulse.—To be morally free—to be more than an animal—man must be able to resist instinctive impulse, and this can only be done by exercise of self-control. Thus it is this power which constitutes the real distinction between a physical and a moral life, and that forms the primary basis of individual character.
4. A Strong Man Ruleth His Own Spirit.—In the Bible praise is given, not to a strong man who "taketh a city," but to the stronger man who "ruleth his own spirit." This stronger man is he who, by discipline, exercises a constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his acts. Nine-tenths of the vicious desires that degrade society, and which, when indulged, swell into the crimes that disgrace it, would shrink into insignificance before the advance of valiant self-discipline, self-respect, and self-control. By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of heart and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity, virtue, and temperance.
5. The Best Support.—The best support of character will always be found in habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or wrongly, as the case may be, will prove either a benignant ruler, or a cruel despot. We may be its willing subject on the one hand, or its servile slave on the other. It may help us on the road to good, or it may hurry us on the road to ruin.
6. The Ideal Man.—"In the supremacy of self-control," says Herbert Spencer, "consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be impulsive, not to be spurred hither and thither by each desire that in turn comes upper-most, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced, governed by the joint decision of the feelings in council assembled, before whom every action shall have been fully debated, and calmly determined—that it is which education, moral education at least, strives to produce."
7. The Best Regulated Home.—The best regulated home is always that in which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the least felt. Moral discipline acts with the force of a law of nature. Those subject to it yield themselves to it unconsciously; and though it shapes and forms the whole character, until the life becomes crystallized in habit, the influence thus exercised is for the most part unseen and almost unfelt.
[pg 15, ToC]
8. Practice Self-denial.—If a man would get through life honorably and peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial in small things as well as in great. Men have to bear as well as to forbear. The temper has to be held in subjection to the judgment; and the little demons of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept resolutely at a distance. If once they find an entrance to the mind, they are apt to return, and to establish for themselves a permanent occupation there.
9. Power of Words.—It is necessary to one's personal happiness, to exercise control over one's words as well as acts: for there are words that strike even harder than blows; and men may "speak daggers," though they use none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips, and which, if uttered, might cover an adversary with confusion, how difficult it is to resist saying it! "Heaven, keep us," says Miss Bremer, in her 'Home', "from the destroying power of words! There are words that sever hearts more than sharp swords do; there are words the point of which sting the heart through the course of a whole life."
10. Character Exhibits Itself.—Character exhibits itself in self-control of speech as much as in anything else. The wise and forbearant man will restrain his desire to say a smart or severe thing at the expense of another's feeling; while the fool blurts out what he thinks, and will sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. "The mouth of a wise man," said Solomon, "is in his heart; the heart of a fool is in his mouth."
11. Burns.—No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet Burns, and no one could teach it more eloquently to others, but when it came to practice, Burns was as weak as the weakest. He could not deny himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever sarcasm at another's expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it was no extravagant arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made himself a hundred enemies. But this was not all. Poor Burns exercised no control over his appetites, but freely gave them the rein:
"Thus thoughtless follies laid him low,
And stained his name."
12. Sow Pollution.—Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving publicity to compositions originally intended for the delight of the tap-room, but which continued secretly to sow pollution broadcast in the minds of youth. Indeed, notwithstanding the many exquisite poems of this writer, it is not saying too much that his immoral writings have done far more harm than his purer writings have done good; and it would be better that all his writings should be destroyed and forgotten, provided his indecent songs could be destroyed with them.
13. Moral Principle.—Many of our young men lack moral principle. They cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts. They have not manifested or practiced that self-control which develops true manhood and brings into subordination evil thoughts, evil passions, and evil practices. Men who have no self-control will find life a failure, both in a social and in a business sense. The world despises an insignificant person who lacks backbone and character. Stand upon your manhood and womanhood; honor your convictions, and dare to do right.
14. Strong Drink.—There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the lack of self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation; on account of the cup, the habit of taking drink occasionally in its milder forms—of playing with a small appetite that only needs sufficient playing with to make you a demon or a dolt. You think you are safe; I know you are not safe, if you drink at all; and when you get offended with the good friends that warn you of your danger, you are a fool. I know that the grave swallows daily, by scores, drunkards, every one of whom thought he was safe while he was forming his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man in this age who forms the habit of drinking, or puts himself in danger of forming the habit, is usually so weak that he does not realize the consequences.
Posted by Victoriousme at 5:45 AM 0 comments
Labels: discipline, drink, drinks, self confidence, self definition, self-control, virtues
SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH: A GOOD NAME
1. The Longing for a Good Name.—The longing for a good name is one of those laws of nature that were passed for the soul and written down within to urge toward a life of action, and away from small or wicked action. So large is this passion that it is set forth in poetic thought, as having a temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and up whose marble steps all noble minds struggle—the temple of Fame.
2. Civilization.—Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of individuals are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents swell with those rains of money and home and fame and happiness, and then fall and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has gathered up all these waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty for all subsequent use. Civilization is a fertile delta made by the drifting souls of men.
3. Fame.—The word "fame" never signifies simply notoriety. The meaning of the direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite, for only the meanest of men are called infamous. They are utterly without fame, utterly nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety, then infamous would possess no marked significance. Fame is an undertaker that pays but little attention to the living, but who bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and follows them to the grave.
4. Life-Motive.—So in studying that life-motive which is called a "good name," we must ask the large human race to tell us the high merit of this spiritual longing. We must read the words of the sage, who said long centuries ago that "a good name was rather chosen than great riches." Other sages have said as much. Solon said that "He that will sell his good name will sell the State." Socrates said, "Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds." Our Shakespeare said, "He lives in fame who died in virtue's cause."
5. Influences of Our Age.—Our age is deeply influenced by the motives called property and home and pleasure, but it is a question whether the generation in action today and the generation on the threshold of this intense life are conscious fully of the worth of an honorable name.
6. Beauty of Character.—We do not know whether with us all a good name is less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully evident that our times do not sufficiently behold the beauty of character—their sense does not detect quickly enough or love deeply enough this aroma of heroic deeds.
7. Selling Out Their Reputation.—It is amazing what multitudes there are who are willing to sell out their reputation, and amazing at what a low price they will make the painful exchange. Some king remarked that he would not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It is not uncommon in our world for a man to sell out all his honor and hopes for a score or a half score of dollars.
8. Prisons Overflowing.—Our prisons are all full to overflowing of those who took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire to be offered them before they would violate the sacred rights of man, but many of them have even murdered for a cause that would not have justified even an exchange of words.
9. Integrity the Pride of the Government.—If integrity were made the pride of the government, the love of it would soon spring up among the people. If all fraudulent men should go straight to jail, pitilessly, and if all the most rigid characters were sought out for all political and commercial offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just as there has come a love of reading or of art. It is with character as with any new article—the difficulty lies in its first introduction.
10. A New Virtue.—May a new virtue come into favor, all our high rewards, those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards of society, the rewards of the press, should be offered only to the worthy. A few years of rewarding the worthy would result in a wonderful zeal in the young to build up, not physical property, but mental and spiritual worth.
11. Blessing the Family Group.—No young man or young woman can by industry and care reach an eminence in study or art or character, without blessing the entire family group. We have all seen that the father and mother feel that all life's care and labor were at last perfectly rewarded in the success of their child. But had the child been reckless or indolent, all this domestic joy—the joy of a large group—would have been blighted forever.
12. An Honored Child.—There have been triumphs at old Rome, where victors marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many spoils of the East; and in all times money has been lavished in the efforts of States to tell their pleasure in the name of some general; but more numerous and wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot or cannon or drum, have been those triumphal hours, when some son or daughter has returned to the parental hearth beautiful in the wreaths of some confessed excellence, bearing a good name.
13. Rich Criminals.—We looked at the utter wretchedness of the men who threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile than be loved friends and persons at home.
14. An Empty, or an Evil Name.—Young and old cannot afford to bear the burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of life. It is a reason for that great encampment we call an existence. While you are building the home of to-morrow, build up also that kind of soul that can sleep sweetly on home's pillow, and can feel that God is not near as an avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the verdure and the seasons, but of you.
Posted by Victoriousme at 5:42 AM 0 comments
Labels: a good name, building character, civilization, life science, rich, virtues
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