Friday, September 11, 2009

By Prof. B.G. Jefferis, M.D., PH. D. and J.L. Nicols, A.M.

"Vice has no friend like the prejudice which claims to be virtue."—Lord Lytton.

"When the judgment's weak, the prejudice is strong."—Kate O'Hare.

"It is the first right of every child to be well born."


Chapter 1

* Knowledge is Safety
* The Beginning of Life
* Health is a Duty
* Value of Reputation
* Influence of Associates
* Self-Control
* Habit
* A Good Name
* The Mother's Influence
* Home Power
* To Young Women
* Influence of Female Character
* Personal Purity

Chapter 2

* How To Write All Kinds of Letters
* How To Write A Love Letter
* Forms of Social Letters
* Letter Writing
* Forms of Love Letters
* Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at All Times and at All Places
* A Complete Etiquette In A Few Practical Rules
* Etiquette Of Calls
* Etiquette In Your Speech
* Etiquette of Dress And Habits
* Etiquette On The Street
* Etiquette Between Sexes
* Practical Rules on Table Manners
* Social Duties
* Politeness
* Influence of Good Character
* Family Government

Chapter 3

* Conversation
* The Care of the Person - Important Rules
* A Young Man's Personal Appearance
* Dress
* Beauty
* Sensible Helps To Beauty
* How To Keep The Bloom and Grace of Youth
* Form and Deformity
* How To Determine A Perfect Figure
* The History, Mystery and Benefits of the Corset
* Tight Lacing
* The Care of the Hair
* How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions

Chapter 4

* Love
* The Power and Peculiarities of Love
* Amativeness or Connubial Love
* Love and Common-Sense
* What Women Love in Men
* What Men Love in Women
* History of Marriage
* Marriage
* Disadvantages of Celibacy
* Old Maids
* When and Whom To Marry
* Choose Intellectually - Love Afterward
* Love-Spats
* A Broken Heart
* Former Customs and Peculiarities Among Men
* Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner
* Safe Hints
* Marriage Securities
* Women Who Make The Best Wives
* Advice To The Married And Unmarried
* First Love, Desertion And Divorce
* Flirting And Its Dangers
* A Word To Maidens
* Popping The Question
* The Wedding
* Advice To Newly Married Couples
* Sexual Proprieties and Improprieties
* How to Perpetuate The Honey-Moon
* How to Be a Good Wife
* How to Be a Good Husband
* Cause of Family Troubles
* Jealousy—Its Cause and Cure



Trifles, light as air
Are to the jealous confirmations strong,
As proofs of holy writ.—SHAKESPEARE.
Nor Jealousy
Was understood, the injur'd lover's hell.—MILTON

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.—SHAKESPEARE.

1. Definition.—Jealousy is an accidental passion, for which the faculty indeed is unborn. In its nobler form and in its nobler motives it arises from love, and in its lower form it arises from the deepest and darkest Pit of Satan.

2. How Developed.—Jealousy arises either from weakness, which from a sense of its own want of lovable qualities is not convinced of being sure of its cause, or from distrust, which thinks the beloved person capable of infidelity. Sometimes all these motives may act together.

3. Noblest Jealousy.—The noblest jealousy, if the term noble is appropriate, is a sort of ambition or pride of the loving person who feels it is an insult that another one should assume it as possible to supplant his love, or it is the highest degree of devotion which sees a declaration of its object in the foreign invasion, as it were, of his own altar. Jealousy is always a sign that a little more wisdom might adorn the individual without harm.

4. The Lowest Jealousy.—The lowest species of jealousy is a sort of avarice of envy which, without being capable of love, at least wishes to possess the object of its jealousy alone by the one party assuming a sort of property right over the other. This jealousy, which might be called the Satanic, is generally to be found with old withered "husbands," whom the devil has prompted to marry young women and who forthwith dream night and day of cuck-old's horns. These Argus-eyed keepers are no longer capable of any feeling that could be called love, they are rather as a rule heartless house-tyrants, and are in constant dread that some one may admire or appreciate his unfortunate slave.

5. Want of Lore.—The general conclusion will be that jealousy is more the result of wrong conditions which cause uncongenial unions, and which through moral corruption artificially create distrust than a necessary accompaniment of love.

6. Result of Poor Opinion.—Jealousy is a passion with which those are most afflicted who are the least worthy of love. An innocent maiden who enters marriage will not dream of getting jealous; but all her innocence cannot secure her against the jealousy of her husband if he has been a libertine. Those are wont to be the most jealous who have the consciousness that they themselves are most deserving of jealousy. Most men in consequence of their present education and corruption have so poor an opinion not only of the male, but even of the female sex, that they believe every woman at every moment capable of what they themselves have looked for among all and have found among the most unfortunate, the prostitutes. No libertine can believe in the purity of woman; it is contrary to nature. A libertine therefore cannot believe in the loyalty of a faithful wife.

7. When Justifiable.—There may be occasions where jealousy is justifiable. If a woman's confidence has been shaken in her husband, or a husband's confidence has been shaken in his wife by certain signs or conduct, which have no other meaning but that of infidelity, then there is just cause for jealousy. There must, however, be certain proof as evidence of the wife's or husband's immoral conduct. Imaginations or any foolish absurdities should have no consideration whatever, and let everyone have confidence until his or her faith has been shaken by the revelation of absolute facts.

8. Caution and Advice.—No couple should allow their associations to develop into an engagement and marriage if either one has any inclination to jealousy. It shows invariably a want of sufficient confidence, and that want of confidence, instead of being diminished after marriage, is liable to increase, until by the aid of the imagination and wrong interpretation the home is made a hell and divorce a necessity. Let it be remembered, there can be no true love without perfect and absolute confidence, jealousy is always the sign of weakness or madness. Avoid a jealous disposition, for it is an open acknowledgment of a lack of faith.



1. Much Better to Be Alone.—He who made man said it is not good for him to be alone; but it is much better to be alone, than it is to be in some kinds of company. Many couples who felt unhappy when they were apart, have been utterly miserable when together; and scores who have been ready to go through fire and water to get married, have been willing to run the risk of fire and brimstone to get divorced. It is by no means certain that because persons are wretched before marriage they will be happy after it. The wretchedness of many homes, and the prevalence of immorality and divorce is a sad commentary on the evils which result from unwise marriages.

2. Unavoidable Evils.—There are plenty of unavoidable evils in this world, and it is mournful to think of the multitudes who are preparing themselves for needless disappointments, and who yet have no fear, and are unwilling to be instructed, cautioned or warned. To them the experience of mature life is of little account compared with the wisdom of ardent and enthusiastic youth.

3. Matrimonial Infelicity.—One great cause of matrimonial infelicity is the hasty marriages of persons who have no adequate knowledge of each other's characters. Two strangers become acquainted, and are attracted to each other, and without taking half the trouble to investigate or inquire that a prudent man would take before buying a saddle horse, they are married. In a few weeks or months it is perhaps found that one of the parties was married already, or possibly that the man is drunken or vicious, or the woman anything but what she should be. Then begins the bitter part of the experience: shame, disgrace, scandal, separation, sin and divorce, all come as the natural results of a rash and foolish marriage. A little time spent in honest, candid, and careful preliminary inquiry and investigations would have saved the trouble.

4. The Climax.—It has been said that a man is never utterly ruined until he has married a bad woman. So the climax of woman's miseries and sorrows may be said to come only when she is bound with that bond which should be her chiefest blessing and her highest joy, but which may prove her deepest sorrow and her bitterest curse.

5. The Folly of Follies.—There are some lessons which people are very slow to learn, and yet which are based upon the simple principles of common-sense. A young lady casts her eye upon a young man. She says, "I mean to have that man." She plies her arts, engages his affections, marries him, and secures for herself a life of sorrow and disappointment, ending perhaps in a broken up home or an early grave. Any prudent, intelligent person of mature age, might have warned or cautioned her; but she sought no advice, and accepted no admonition. A young man may pursue a similar course with equally disastrous results.

6. Hap-Hazard.—Many marriages are undoubtedly arranged by what may be termed the accident of locality. Persons live near each other, become acquainted, and engage themselves to those whom they never would have selected as their companions in life if they had wider opportunities of acquaintance. Within the borders of their limited circle they make a selection which may be wise or may be unwise. They have no means of judging, they allow no one else to judge for them. The results are sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy in the extreme. It is well to act cautiously in doing what can be done but once. It is not a pleasant experience for a person to find out a mistake when it is too late to rectify it.

7. We All Change.—When two persons of opposite sex are often thrown together they are very naturally attracted to each other, and are liable to imbibe the opinion that they are better fitted for life-long companionship than any other two persons in the world. This may be the case, or it may not be. There are a thousand chances against such a conclusion to one in favor of it. But even if at the present moment these two persons were fitted to be associated, no one can tell whether the case will be the same five or ten years hence. Men change; women change; they are not the same they were ten years ago; they are not the same they will be ten years hence.

8. The Safe Rule.—Do not be in a hurry; take your time and consider well before you allow your devotion to rule you. Study first your character, then study the character of her whom you desire to marry. Love works mysteriously, and if it will bear careful and cool investigation, it will no doubt thrive under adversity. When people marry they unite their destinies for the better or the worse. Marriage is a contract for life and will never bear a hasty conclusion. Never be in a hurry!



1. Show Your Love.—All life manifests itself. As certainly as a live tree will put forth leaves in the spring, so certainly will a living love show itself. Many a noble man toils early and late to earn bread and position for his wife. He hesitates at no weariness for her sake. He justly thinks that such industry and providence give a better expression of his love than he could by caressing her and letting the grocery bills go unpaid. He fills the cellar and pantry. He drives and pushes his business. He never dreams that he is actually starving his wife to death. He may soon have a woman left to superintend his home, but his wife is dying. She must be kept alive by the same process that called her into being. Recall and repeat the little attentions and delicate compliments that once made you so agreeable, and that fanned her love into a consuming flame. It is not beneath the dignity of the skillful physician to study all the little symptoms, and order all the little round of attentions that check the waste of strength and brace the staggering constitution. It is good work for a husband to cherish his wife.

2. Consult with Your Wife.—She is apt to be as right as you are, and frequently able to add much to your stock of wisdom. In any event she appreciates your attentions.

3. Study to Keep Her Young.—It can be done. It is not work, but worry, that wears. Keep a brave, true heart between her and all harm.

4. Help to Bear Her Burdens.—Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of love. Love seeks opportunities to do for the loved object. She has the constant care of your children. She is ordained by the Lord to stand guard over them. Not a disease can appear in the community without her taking the alarm. Not a disease can come over the threshold without her instantly springing into the mortal combat. If there is a deficiency anywhere it comes out of her pleasure. Her burdens are everywhere. Look for them, that you may lighten them.

5. Make Yourself Helpful by Thoughtfulness.—Remember to bring into the house your best smile and sunshine. It is good for you, and it cheers up the home. There is hardly a nook in the house that has not been carefully hunted through to drive out everything that might annoy you. The dinner which suits, or ought to suit you, has not come on the table of itself. It represents much thoughtfulness and work. You can do no more manly thing than find some way of expressing, in word or look, your appreciation of it.

6. Express Your Will, Not by Commands, but by Suggestions.—It is God's order that you should be the head of the family. You are clothed with authority. But this does not authorize you to be stern and harsh, as an officer in the army. Your authority is the dignity of love. When it is not clothed in love it ceases to have the substance of authority. A simple suggestion that may embody a wish, an opinion or an argument, becomes one who reigns over such a kingdom as yours.

7. Seek to Refine Your Nature.—It is no slander to say that many men have wives much more refined than themselves. This is natural in the inequalities of life. Other qualities may compensate for any defect here. But you need have no defect in refinement. Preserve the gentleness and refinement of your wife as a rich legacy for your children, and in so doing you will lift yourself to higher levels.

8. Be a Gentleman as well as a Husband.—The signs and bronze and callouses of toil are no indications that you are not a gentleman. The soul of gentlemanliness is a kindly feeling toward others, that prompts one to secure their comfort. That is why the thoughtful peasant lover is always so gentlemanly, and in his love much above himself.

9. Stay at Home.—Habitual absence during the evenings is sure to bring sorrow. If your duty or business calls you you have the promise that you will be kept in all your ways. But if you go out to mingle with other society, and leave your wife at home alone, or with the children and servants, know that there is no good in store for you. She has claims upon you that you can not afford to allow to go to protest. Reverse the case. You sit down alone after having waited all day for your wife's return, and think of her as reveling in gay society, and see if you can keep out all the doubts as to what takes her away. If your home is not as attractive as you want it, you are a principal partner. Set yourself about the work of making it attractive.

10. Take Your Wife with You into Society.—Seclusion begets morbidness. She needs some of the life that comes from contact with society. She must see how other people appear and act. It often requires an exertion for her to go out of her home, but it is good for her and for you. She will bring back more sunshine. It is wise to rest sometimes. When the Arab stops for his dinner he unpacks his camel. Treat your wife with as much consideration.



1. Reverence Your Husband.—He sustains by God's order a position of dignity as head of a family, head of the woman. Any breaking down of this order indicates a mistake in the union, or a digression from duty.

2. Love Him.—A wife loves as naturally as the sun shines. Love is your best weapon. You conquered him with that in the first place. You can reconquer by the same means.

3. Do Not Conceal Your Love from Him.—If he is crowded with care, and too busy to seem to heed your love, you need to give all the greater attention to securing his knowledge of your love. If you intermit he will settle down into a hard, cold life with increased rapidity. Your example will keep the light on his conviction. The more he neglects the fire on the hearth, the more carefully must you feed and guard it. It must not be allowed to go out. Once out you must sit ever in darkness and in the cold.

4. Cultivate the Modesty and Delicacy of Your Youth.—The relations and familiarity of wedded life may seem to tone down the sensitive and retiring instincts of girlhood, but nothing can compensate for the loss of these. However, much men may admire the public performance of gifted women, they do not desire that boldness and dash in a wife. The holy blush of a maiden's modesty is more powerful in hallowing and governing a home than the heaviest armament that ever a warrior bore.

5. Cultivate Personal Attractiveness.—This means the storing of your mind with a knowledge of passing events, and with a good idea of the world's general advance. If you read nothing, and make no effort to make yourself attractive, you will soon sink down into a dull hack of stupidity. If your husband never hears from you any words of wisdom, or of common information, he will soon hear nothing from you. Dress and gossips soon wear out. If your memory is weak, so that it hardly seems worth while to read, that is additional reason for reading.

6. Cultivate Physical Attractiveness.—When you were encouraging the attentions of him whom you now call husband, you did not neglect any item of dress or appearance that could help you. Your hair was always in perfect training. You never greeted him with a ragged or untidy dress or soiled hands. It is true that your "market is made," but you cannot afford to have it "broken." Cleanliness and good taste will attract now as they did formerly. Keep yourself at your best. Make the most of physical endowments. Neatness and order break the power of poverty.

7. Study Your Husband's Character.—He has his peculiarities. He has no right to many of them, and you need to know them; thus you can avoid many hours of friction. The good pilot steers around the sunken rocks that lie in the channel. The engineer may remove them, not the pilot. You are more pilot than engineer. Consult his tastes. It is more important to your home, that you should please him than anybody else.

8. Practice Economy.—Many families are cast out of peace into grumbling and discord by being compelled to fight against poverty. When there are no great distresses to be endured or accounted for, complaint and fault-finding are not so often evoked. Keep your husband free from the annoyance of disappointed creditors, and he will be more apt to keep free from annoying you. To toil hard for bread, to fight the wolf from the door, to resist impatient creditors, to struggle against complaining pride at home, is too much to ask of one man. A crust that is your own is a feast, while a feast that is purloined from unwilling creditors if a famine.



1. Continue Your Courtship.—Like causes produce like effects.

2. Neglect of Your Companion.—Do not assume a right to neglect your companion more after marriage than you did before.

3. Secrets.—Have no secrets that you keep from your companion. A third party is always disturbing.

4. Avoid the Appearance of Evil.—In matrimonial matters it is often that the mere appearance contains all the evil. Love, as soon as it rises above calculation and becomes love, is exacting. It gives all, and demands all.

5. Once Married, Never Open Your Mind to Any Change. If you keep the door of your purpose closed, evil or even desirable changes cannot make headway without help.

6. Keep Step in Mental Development.—A tree that grows for forty years may take all the sunlight from a tree that stops growing at twenty.

7. Keep a Lively Interest in the Business of the Home.—Two that do not pull together are weaker than either alone.

8. Gauge Your Expenses by Your Revenues.—Love must eat. The sheriff often levies on Cupid long before he takes away the old furniture.

9. Start From Where Your Parents Started Rather than from Where They Now Are.—Hollow and showy boarding often furnishes the too strong temptation, while the quietness of a humble home would cement the hearts beyond risk.

10. Avoid Debt.—Spend your own money, but earn it first, then it will not be necessary to blame any one for spending other people's.

11. Do Not Both Get Angry at the Same Time.—Remember, it takes two to quarrel.

12. Do Not Allow Yourself Ever to Come to an Open Rupture.—Things unsaid need less repentance.

13. Study to Conform Your Tastes and Habits to the Tastes and Habits of Your Companion.—If two walk together, they must agree.



1. To have offspring is not to be regarded as a luxury, but as a great primary necessity of health and happiness, of which every fully-developed man and woman should have a fair share, while it cannot be denied that the ignorance of the necessity of sexual intercourse to the health and virtue of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral philosophy.

2. In a state of pure nature, where man would have his sexual instincts under full and natural restraint, there would be little, if any, licentiousness, and children would be the result of natural desire, and not the accidents of lust.

3. This is an age of sensuality; unnatural passions cultivated and indulged. Young people in the course of their engagement often sow the seed of serious excesses. This habit of embracing, sitting on the lover's lap, leaning on his breast, long and uninterrupted periods of secluded companionship, have become so common that it is amazing how a young lady can safely arrive at the wedding day. While this conduct may safely terminate with the wedding day, yet it cultivates the tendency which often results in excessive indulgencies after the honey-moon is over.

4. Separate Beds.—Many writers have vigorously championed as a reform the practice of separate beds for husband and wife. While we would not recommend such separation, it is no doubt very much better for both husband and wife, in case the wife is pregnant. Where people are reasonably temperate, no such ordinary precautions as separate sleeping places may be necessary. But in case of pregnancy it will add rest to the mother and add vigor to the unborn child. Sleeping together, however, is natural and cultivates true affection, and it is physiologically true that in very cold weather life is prolonged by husband and wife sleeping together.

5. The Authority of the Wife.—Let the wife judge whether she desires a separate couch or not. She has the superior right to control her own person. In such diseases as consumption, or other severe or lingering diseases, separate beds should always be insisted upon.

6. The Time for Indulgence.—The health of the generative functions depends upon exercise, just the same as any other vital organ. Intercourse should be absolutely avoided just before or after meals, or just after mental excitement or physical exercise. No wife should indulge her husband when he is under the influence of alcoholic stimulants, for idiocy and other serious maladies are liable to be visited upon the offspring.

7. Restraint during Pregnancy.—There is no question but what moderate indulgence during the first few months of pregnancy does not result in serious harm; but people who excessively satisfy their ill-governed passions are liable to pay a serious penalty.

8. Miscarriage.—If a woman is liable to abortion or miscarriage, absolute abstinence is the only remedy. No sexual indulgence during pregnancy can be safely tolerated.

9. It is better for people not to marry until they are of proper age. It is a physiological fact that men seldom reach the full maturity or their virile power before the age of twenty-five, and the female rarely attains the full vigor of her sexual powers before the age of twenty.

10. Illicit Pleasures.—The indulgence of illicit pleasures, says Dr. S. Pancoast, sooner or later is sure to entail the most loathsome diseases on their votaries. Among these diseases are Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Spermatorrhoea (waste of semen by daily and nightly involuntary emissions), Satyriasis (a species of sexual madness, or a sexual diabolism, causing men to commit rape and other beastly acts and outrages, not only on women and children, but men and animals, as sodomy, pederasty, etc.), Nymphomania (causing women to assail every man they meet, and supplicate and excite him to gratify their lustful passions, or who resort to means of sexual pollutions, which is impossible to describe without shuddering), together with spinal diseases and many disorders of the most distressing and disgusting character filling the bones with rottenness, and eating away the flesh by gangrenous ulcers, until the patient dies, a horrible mass of putridity and corruption.

11. Sensuality.—Sensuality is not love, but an unbridled desire which kills the soul. Sensuality will drive away the roses in the cheeks of womanhood, undermine health and produce a brazen countenance that can be read by all men. The harlot may commit her sins in the dark, but her countenance reveals her character and her immorality is an open secret.

12. Sexual Temperance.—All excesses and absurdities of every kind should be carefully avoided. Many of the female disorders which often revenge themselves in the cessation of all sexual pleasure are largely due to the excessive practice of sexual indulgence.

13. Frequency.—Some writers claim that intercourse should never occur except for the purpose of childbearing but such restraint is not natural and consequently not conducive to health. There are many conditions in which the health of the mother and offspring must be respected. It is now held that it is nearer a crime than a virtue to prostitute woman to the degradation of breeding animals by compelling her to bring into life more offspring than can be born healthy, or be properly cared for and educated.

14. In this work we shall attempt to specify no rule, but simply give advice as to the health and happiness of both man and wife. A man should not gratify his own desires at the expense of his wife's health, comfort or inclination. Many men no doubt harass their wives and force many burdens upon their slender constitutions. But it is a great sin and no true husband will demand unreasonable recognition. The wife when physically able, however, should bear with her husband. Man is naturally sensitive on this subject, and it takes but little to alienate his affections and bring discover into the family.

15. The best writers lay down the rule for the government of the marriage-bed, that sexual indulgence should only occur about once in a week or ten days, and this of course applies only to those who enjoy a fair degree of health. But it is a hygienic and physiological fact that those who indulge only once a month receive a far greater degree of the intensity of enjoyment than those who indulge their passions more frequently. Much pleasure is lost by excesses where much might be gained by temperance giving rest to the organs for the accumulation of nervous force.



1. "Be Ye Fruitful and Multiply" is a Bible commandment which the children of men habitually obey. However they may disagree on other subjects, all are in accord on this; the barbarous, the civilized, the high, the low, the fierce, the gentle—all unite in the desire which finds its accomplishment in the reproduction of their kind. Who shall quarrel with the Divinely implanted instinct, or declare it to be vulgar or unmentionable? It is during the period of the honeymoon that the intensity of this desire, coupled with the greatest curiosity, is at its height, and the unbridled license often given the passions at this time is attended with the most dangerous consequences.

2. Consummation of Marriage.—The first time that the husband and wife cohabit together after the ceremony has been performed is called the consummation of marriage. Many grave errors have been committed by people in this, when one or both of the contracting parties were not physically or sexually in a condition to carry out the marriage relation. A marriage, however, is complete without this in the eyes of the law, as it is a maxim taken from the Roman civil statutes that consent, not cohabitation, is the binding element in the ceremony. Yet, in most States of the U.S., and in some other countries, marriage is legally declared void and of no effect where it is not possible to consummate the marriage relation. A divorce may be obtained provided the injured party begins the suit.

3. Test of Virginity.—The consummation of marriage with a virgin is not necessarily attended with a flow of blood, and the absence of this sign is not the slightest presumption against her former chastity. The true test of virginity is modesty void of any disagreeable familiarity. A sincere Christian faith is one of the best recommendations.

4. Let Every Man Remember that the legal right of marriage does not carry with it the moral right to injure for life the loving companion he has chosen. Ignorance may be the cause, but every man before he marries should know something of the physiology and the laws of health, and we here give some information which is of very great importance to every newly-married man.

5. Sensuality.—Lust crucifies love. The young sensual husband is generally at fault. Passion sways and the duty to bride and wife is not thought of, and so a modest young wife is often actually forced and assaulted by the unsympathetic haste of her husband. An amorous man in that way soon destroys his own love, and thus is laid the foundation for many difficulties that soon develop trouble and disturb the happiness of both.

6. Abuse After Marriage.—Usually marriage is consummated within a day or two after the ceremony, but this is gross injustice to the bride. In most cases she is nervous, timid, and exhausted by the duties of preparation for the wedding, and in no way in a condition, either in body or mind, for the vital change which the married relation bring upon her. Many a young husband often lays the foundation of many diseases of the womb and of the nervous system in gratifying his unchecked passions without a proper regard for his wife's exhausted condition.

7. The First Conjugal Approaches are usually painful to the new wife, and no enjoyment to her follows. Great caution and kindness should be exercised. A young couple rushing together in their animal passion soon produce a nervous and irritating condition which ere long brings apathy, indifference, if not dislike. True love and a high regard for each other will temper passion into moderation.

8. Were the Above Injunctions Heeded fully and literally it would be folly to say more, but this would be omitting all account of the bridegroom's new position, the power of his passion, and the timidity of the fair creature who is wondering what fate has in store for her trembling modesty. To be sure, there are some women who are possessed of more forward natures and stronger desires than others. In such cases there may be less trouble.

9. A Common Error.—The young husband may have read in some treatise on physiology that the hymen in a virgin is the great obstacle to be overcome. He is apt to conclude that this is all, that some force will be needed to break it down, and that therefore an amount of urgency even to the degree of inflicting considerable pain is justifiable. This is usually wrong. It rarely constitutes any obstruction and, even when its rupturing may be necessary, it alone seldom causes suffering.

There are sometimes certain deformities of the vagina, but no woman should knowingly seek matrimonial relations when thus afflicted.

We quote from Dr. C.A. Huff the following:

10. "What Is It, then, that Usually Causes distress to many women, whether a bride or a long-time wife?" The answer is, Simply those conditions of the organs in which they are not properly prepared, by anticipation and desire, to receive a foreign body. The modest one craves only refined and platonic love at first, and if husbands, new and old, would only realize this plain truth, wife-torturing would cease and the happiness of each one of all human pairs vastly increase.

11. The Conditions of the Female organs depend upon the state of the mind just as much as in the case of the husband. The male, however, being more sensual, is more quickly roused. She is far less often or early ready. In its unexcited state the vagina is lax, its walls are closed together, and their surfaces covered by but little lubricating secretion. The chaster one of the pair has no desire that this sacred vestibule to the great arcana of procreation shall be immediately and roughly invaded. This, then, is the time for all approaches by the husband to be of the most delicate, considerate, and refined description possible. The quietest and softest demeanor, with gentle and re-assuring words, are all that should be attempted at first. The wedding day has probably been one of fatigue, and it is foolish to go farther.

12. For More Than One Night it will be wise, indeed, if the wife's confidence shall be as much wooed and won by patient, delicate, and prolonged courting, as before the marriage engagement. How long should this period of waiting be can only be decided by the circumstances of any case. The bride will ultimately deny no favor which is sought with full deference to her modesty, and in connection with which bestiality is not exhibited. Her nature is that of delicacy; her affection is of a refined character; if the love and conduct offered to her are a careful effort to adapt roughness and strength to her refinement and weakness, her admiration and responsive love will be excited to the utmost.

13. When That Moment Arrives when the bride finds she can repose perfect confidence in the kindness of her husband, that his love is not purely animal, and that no violence will be attempted, the power of her affection for him will surely assert itself; the mind will act on those organs which nature has endowed to fulfil the law of her being, the walls of the vagina will expand, and the glands at the entrance will be fully lubricated by a secretion of mucous which renders congress a matter of comparative ease.

14. When This Responsive Enlargement and lubrication are fully realized, it is made plain why the haste and force so common to first and subsequent coition, is, as it has been justly called, nothing but "legalized rape." Young husband, Prove your manhood, not by yielding to unbridled lust and cruelty, but by the exhibition of true power in self-control and patience with the helpless being confided to your care. Prolong the delightful season of courting into and through wedded life and rich shall be your reward.

15. A Want of Desire may often prevail, and may be caused by loss of sleep, study, constant thought, mental disturbance, anxiety, self-abuse, excessive use of tobacco or alcoholic drink, etc. Overwork may cause debility; a man may not have an erection for months, yet it may not be a sign of debility, sexual lethargy or impotence. Get the mind and the physical constitution in proper condition, and most all these difficulties will disappear. Good athletic exercise by walking, riding, or playing croquet, or any other amusement, will greatly improve the condition. A good rest, however, will be necessary to fully restore the mind and the body, then the natural condition of the sexual organs will be resumed.

16. Having Twins.—Having twins is undoubtedly hereditary and descends from generation to generation, and persons who have twins are generally those who have great sexual vigor. It is generally the result of a second cohabitation immediately following the first, but some parents have twins who cohabit but once during several days.

17. Proper Intercourse.—The right relation of a newly-married couple will rather increase than diminish love. To thus offer up the maiden on the altar of love and affection only swells her flood of joy and bliss; whereas, on the other hand, sensuality humbles, debases, pollutes, and never elevates. Young husbands should wait for an invitation to the banquet and they will be amply paid by the very pleasure sought. Invitation or permission delights, and possession by force degrades. The right-minded bridegroom will postpone the exercise of his nuptial rights for a few days, and allow his young wife to become rested from the preparation and fatigue of the wedding, and become accustomed to the changes in her new relations of life.

18. Rightly Beginning Sexual Life.—Intercourse promotes all the functions of the body and mind, but rampant just and sexual abuses soon destroy the natural pleasures of intercourse, and unhappiness will be the result. Remember that intercourse should not become the polluted purpose of marriage. To be sure, rational enjoyment benefits and stimulates love, but the pleasure of each other's society, standing together on all questions of mutual benefit, working hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder in the battle of life, raising a family of beautiful children, sharing each other's joys and sorrows, are the things that bring to every couple the best, purest, and noblest enjoyment that God has bestowed upon man.



1. The Proper Time.—Much has been printed in various volumes regarding the time of the year, the influence of the seasons, etc., as determining the proper time to set for the wedding day. Circumstances must govern these things. To be sure, it is best to avoid extremes of heat and cold. Very hot weather is debilitating, and below zero is uncomfortable.

2. The Lady Should Select the Day.—There is one element in the time that is of great importance, physically, especially to the lady. It is the day of the month, and it is hoped that every lady who contemplates marriage is informed upon the great facts of ovulation. By reading page 244 she will understand that it is to her advantage to select a wedding day about fifteen or eighteen days after the close of menstruation in the month chosen, since it is not best that the first child should be conceived during the excitement or irritation of first attempts at congress; besides modest brides naturally do not wish to become large with child before the season of congratulation and visiting on their return from the "wedding tour" is over.

Again, it is asserted by many of the best writers on this subject, that the mental condition of either parent at the time of intercourse will be stamped upon the embryo hence it is not only best, but wise, that the first-born should not be conceived until several months after marriage, when the husband and wife have nicely settled in their new home, and become calm in their experience of each other's society.

3. The "Bridal Tour" is considered by many newly married couples as a necessary introduction to a life of connubial joy. There is, in our opinion, nothing in the custom to recommend it. After the excitement and overwork before and accompanying a wedding, the period immediately following should be one of rest.

Again, the money expended on the ceremony and a tour of the principal cities, etc., might, in most cases, be applied to a multitude of after-life comforts of far more lasting value and importance. To be sure, it is not pleasant for the bride, should she remain at home, to pass through the ordeal of criticism and vulgar comments of acquaintances and friends, and hence, to escape this, the young couple feel like getting away for a time. Undoubtedly the best plan for the great majority, after this most eventful ceremony, is to enter their future home at once, and there to remain in comparative privacy until the novelty of the situation is worn off.

4. If the Conventional Tour is taken, the husband should remember that his bride cannot stand the same amount of tramping around and sight-seeing that he can. The female organs of generation are so easily affected by excessive exercise of the limbs which support them, that at this critical period it would be a foolish and cosily experience to drag a lady hurriedly around the country on an extensive and protracted round of sight-seeing or visiting. Unless good common-sense is displayed in the manner of spending the "honey-moon," it will prove very untrue to its name. In many cases it lays the foundation for the wife's first and life-long "backache."



1. Making the Declaration.—There are few emergencies in business and few events in life that bring to man the trying ordeal of "proposing to a lady." We should be glad to help the bashful lover in his hours of perplexity, embarrassment and hesitation, but unfortunately we cannot pop the question for him, nor give him a formula by which he may do it. Different circumstances and different surroundings compel every lover to be original in his form or mode of proposing.

2. Bashfulness.—If a young man is very bashful, he should write his sentiments in a clear, frank manner on a neat white sheet of note paper, enclose it in a plain white envelope and find some way to convey it to the lady's hand.

3. The Answer.—If the beloved one's heart is touched and she is in sympathy with the lover, the answer should be frankly and unequivocally given. If the negative answer is necessary, it should be done in the kindest and most sympathetic language, yet definite, positive and to the point, and the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit and continue friendly but not familiar.

4. Saying "No" for "Yes."-If girls are foolish enough to say "No" when they mean "Yes," they must suffer the consequences which often follow. A man of intelligence and self-respect will not ask a lady twice. It is begging for recognition and lowers his dignity, should he do so. A lady is supposed to know her heart sufficiently to consider the question to her satisfaction before giving an answer.

5. Confusion of Words and Misunderstanding.—Sometimes a man's happiness, has depended on his manner of popping the question. Many a time the girl has said "No" because the question was so worded that the affirmative did not come from the mouth naturally; and two lives that gravitated toward each other with all their inward force have been thrown suddenly apart, because the electric keys were not carefully touched.

6. Scriptural Declaration.—The church is not the proper place to conduct a courtship, yet the following is suggestive and ingenious.

A young gentleman, familiar with the Scriptures, happening to sit in a pew adjoining a young lady for whom he conceived a violent attachment, made his proposal in this way. He politely handed his neighbor a Bible open, with a pin stuck in the following text: Second Epistle of John, verse 5: "And I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that we had from the beginning, that we love one another."

She returned it, pointing to the second chapter of Ruth, verse 10: "Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him. Why have I found grace in thine eyes that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?"

He returned the book, pointing to the 13th verse of the Third Epistle of John: "Having many things to write unto you, I would not write to you with paper and ink, but trust to come unto you and speak face to face, that your joy may be full."

From the above interview a marriage took place the ensuing month in the same church.

7. How Jenny was Won.

On a sunny Summer morning,
Early as the dew was dry,
Up the hill I went a berrying;
Need I tell you—tell you why?
Farmer Davis had a daughter.
And it happened that I knew,
On each sunny morning, Jenny
Up the hill went berrying too.
Lonely work is picking berries,
So I joined her on the hill:
"Jenny, dear," said I, "your basket's
Quite too large for one to fill."
So we stayed—we two—to fill it,
Jenny talking—I was still.—
Leading where the hill was steepest,
Picking berries up the hill.
"This is up-hill work," said Jenny;
"So is life," said I; "shall we
Climb it each alone, or, Jenny,
Will you come and climb with me?"
Redder than the blushing berries
Jenny's cheek a moment grew,
While without delay she answered,
"I will come and climb with you."

8. A Romantic Way for Proposing.—In Peru they have a romantic way of popping the question. The suitor appears on the appointed evening, with a gaily dressed troubadour under the balcony of his beloved. The singer steps before her flower-bedecked window, and sings her beauties in the name of her lover. He compares her size to that of a pear tree, her lips to two blushing rose-buds, and her womanly form to that of a dove. With assumed harshness the lady asks her lover: Who are you, and what do you want? He answers with ardent confidence: "Thy love I do adore. The stars live in the harmony of love, and why should not we, too, love each other?" Then the proud beauty gives herself away: she takes her flower-wreath from her hair and throws it down to her lover, promising to be his forever.



1. No Young Lady who is not willing to assume the responsibility of a true wife, and be crowned with the sacred diadem of motherhood, should ever think of getting married. We have too many young ladies to-day who despise maternity, who openly vow that they will never be burdened with children, and yet enter matrimony at the first opportunity. What is the result? Let echo answer, What? Unless a young lady believes that motherhood is noble, is honorable, is divine, and she is willing to carry out that sacred function of her nature, she had a thousand times better refuse every proposal, and enter some honorable occupation and wisely die an old maid by choice.

2. On the Other Hand, Young Lady, never enter into the physical relations of marriage with a man until you have conversed with him freely and fully on these relations. Learn distinctly his views and feelings and expectations in regard to that purest and most ennobling of all the functions of your nature, and the most sacred of all intimacies of conjugal love. Your self-respect, your beauty, your glory, your heaven, as a wife, will be more directly involved in his feelings and views and practices, in regard to that relation, than in all other things. As you would not become a weak, miserable, imbecile, unlovable and degraded wife and mother, in the very prime of your life, come to a perfect understanding with your chosen one, ere you commit your person to his keeping in the sacred intimacies of home. Beware of that man who, under pretence of delicacy, modesty, and propriety, shuns conversation with you on this relation, and on the hallowed function of maternity.

3. Talk With Your Intended frankly and openly. Remember, concealment and mystery in him, towards you, on all other subjects pertaining to conjugal union might be overlooked, but if he conceals his views here, rest assured it bodes no good to your purity and happiness as a wife and mother. You can have no more certain assurance that you are to be victimized, your soul and body offered up, slain on the altar of his sensualism, than his unwillingness to converse with you on subjects so vital to your happiness. Unless he is willing to hold his manhood in abeyance to the calls of your nature and to your conditions, and consecrate its passions and its powers to the elevation and happiness of his wife and children, your maiden soul had better return to God unadorned with the diadem of conjugal and maternal love than that you should become the wife of such man and the mother of his children.



Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust those to whom it is addressed, as well as to degrade the writers, and to create suspicion as to their sincerity. The sentiments should spring from the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and delicately expressed, will never be read without exciting sympathy or emotion in all hearts not absolutely deadened by insensibility.
Declaration of Affection


Dear Nellie: Will you allow me, in a few plain and simple words, respectfully to express the sincere esteem and affection I entertain for you, and to ask whether I may venture to hope that these sentiments are returned? I love you truly and earnestly and knowing you admire frankness and candor in all things, I cannot think that you will take offense at this letter. Perhaps it is self-flattery to suppose I have any place in your regard. Should this be so, the error will carry with it its own punishment, for my happy dream will be over. I will try to think otherwise, however, and shall await your answer with hope. Trusting soon to hear from you, I remain, dear Nellie.

Sincerely Yours,

J.L. Master

To Miss Nellie Reynolds,

Hartford, Conn.



1.—From a Young Lady to a Clergyman Asking a Recommendation.

Nantwich, May 18th, 1915

Reverend and Dear Sir:

Having seen an advertisment for a school mistress in the Daily Times, I have been recommended to offer myself as a candidate. Will you kindly favor me with a testimonial as to my character, ability and conduct while at Boston Normal School? Should you consider that I am fitted for the position, you would confer a great favor on me if you would interest yourself in my behalf.

I remain, Reverend Sir,

Your most obedient and humble servant,


2.—Applying for a Position as a Teacher of Music.

Scotland, Conn., January 21st, 1915


Seeing your advertisement in The Clarion of to-day, I write to offer my services as a teacher of music in your family.

I am a graduate of the Peabody Institute, of Baltimore, where I was thoroughly instructed in instrumental and vocal music.

I refer by permission to Mrs. A.J. Davis, 1922 Walnut Street; Mrs. Franklin Hill, 2021 Spring Garden Street, and Mrs. William Murray, 1819 Spruce Street, in whose families I have given lessons.

Hoping that you may see fit to employ me, I am,

Very respectfully yours,


3.—Applying for a Situation as a Cook.

Charlton Place, September 8th, 1894.


Having seen your advertisement for a cook in to-day's Times, I beg to offer myself for your place. I am a thorough cook. I can make clear soups, entrees, jellies, and all kinds of made dishes. I can bake, and am also used to a dairy. My wages are $4 per week, and I can give good reference from my last place, in which I lived for two years. I am thirty-three years of age.

I remain, Madam,

Yours very respectfully,


4.—Recommending a School Teacher.

Ottawa, Ill., February 10th, 1894.

Col. Geo. H. Haight,

President Board of Trustees, etc.

Dear Sir: I take pleasure in recommending to your favorable consideration the application of Miss Hannah Alexander for the position of teacher in the public school at Weymouth.

Miss Alexander is a graduate of the Davidson Seminary, and for the past year has taught a school in this place. My children have been among her pupils, and their progress has been entirely satisfactory to me.

Miss Alexander is a strict disciplinarian, an excellent teacher, and is thoroughly competent to conduct the school for which she applies.

Trusting that you may see fit to bestow upon her the appointment she seeks, I am.

Yours very respectfully,


5.—A Business Introduction.

J.W. Brown, Earlville, Ill.

Chicago, Ill., May 1st, 1915

My Dear Sir: This will introduce to you Mr. William Channing, of this city, who visits Earlville on a matter of business, which he will explain to you in person. You can rely upon his statements, as he is a gentleman of high character, and should you be able to render him any assistance, it would be greatly appreciated by

Yours truly,


6.—Introducing One Lady to Another.

Dundee, Tenn., May 5th, 1894.

Dear Mary:

Allow me to introduce to you my ever dear friend, Miss Nellie Reynolds, the bearer of this letter. You have heard me speak of her so often that you will know at once who she is. As I am sure you will be mutually pleased with each other, I have asked her to inform you of her presence in your city. Any attention you may show her will be highly appreciated by

Yours affectionately,


7.—To a Lady, Apologizing for a Broken Engagement.

Albany, N.Y., May 10th, 1894.

My Dear Miss Lee:

Permit me to explain my failure to keep my appointment with you this evening. I was on my way to your house, with the assurance of a pleasant evening, when unfortunately I was very unexpectedly called from home on very important business.

I regret my disappointment, but hope that the future may afford us many pleasant meetings.

Sincerely your friend,


8.—Form of an Excuse for a Pupil.

Thursday Morning, April 4th

Mr. Bunnel:

You will please excuse William for non-attendance at school yesterday, as I was compelled to keep him at home to attend to a matter of business. MRS. A. SMITH.

9.—Form of Letter Accompanying a Present.

Louisville, July 6, 1895

My Dearest Nelly:

Many happy returns of the day. So fearful was I that it would escape your memory, that I thought I would send you this little trinket by way of reminder, I beg you to accept it and wear it for the sake of the giver. With love and best wishes.

Believe me ever, your sincere friend,


10.—Returning Thanks for the Present.

Louisville, July 6, 1894.

Dear Mrs. Collins:

I am very much obliged to you for the handsome bracelet you have sent me. How kind and thoughtful it was of you to remember me on my birthday. I am sure I have every cause to bless the day, and did I forget it, I have many kind friends to remind me of it. Again thanking you for your present, which is far too beautiful for me, and also for your kind wishes.

Believe me, your most grateful,


11.—Congratulating a Friend Upon His Marriage.

Menton, N.Y., May 24th, 1894.

My Dear Everett:

I have, to-day received the invitation to your wedding, and as I cannot be present at that happy event to offer my congratulations in person, I write.

I am heartily glad you are going to be married, and congratulate you upon the wisdom of your choice. You have won a noble as well as a beautiful woman, and one whose love will make you a happy man to your life's end. May God grant that trouble may not come near you but should it be your lot, you will have a wife to whom you can look with confidence for comfort, and whose good sense and devotion to you will be your sure and unfailing support.

That you may both be very happy, and that your happiness may increase with your years, is the prayer of

Your Friend, FRANK HOWARD.



1. No Excuse.—In this country there is no excuse for the young man who seeks the society of the loose and the dissolute. There is at all times and everywhere open to him a society of persons of the opposite sex of his own age and of pure thoughts and lives, whose conversation will refine him and drive from his bosom ignoble and impure thoughts.

2. The Dangers.—The young man who may take pleasure in the fact that he is the hero of half a dozen or more engagements and love episodes, little realizes that such constant excitement often causes not only dangerously frequent and long-continued nocturnal emissions, but most painful affections of the testicles. Those who show too great familiarity with the other sex, who entertain lascivious thoughts, continually exciting the sexual desires, always suffer a weakening of power and sometimes the actual diseases of degeneration, chronic inflammation of the gland, spermatorrhoea, impotence, and the like.—Young man, beware; your punishment for trifling with the affections of others may cost you a life of affliction.

3. Remedy.—Do not violate the social laws. Do not trifle with the affections of your nature. Do not give others countless anguish, and also do not run the chances of injuring yourself and others for life. The society of refined and pure women is one of the strongest safeguards a young man can have, and he who seeks it will not only find satisfaction, but happiness. Simple friendship and kind affections for each other will ennoble and benefit.

4. The Time for Marriage.—When a young man's means permit him to marry, he should then look intelligently for her with whom he expects to pass the remainder of his life in perfect loyalty, and in sincerity and singleness of heart. Seek her to whom he is ready to swear to be ever true.

5. Breach of Confidence.—Nothing is more certain, says Dr. Naphey, to undermine domestic felicity, and sap the foundation of marital happiness, than marital infidelity. The risks of disease which a married man runs in impure intercourse are far more serious, because they not only involve himself, but his wife and his children. He should know that there is nothing which a woman will not forgive sooner than such a breach of confidence. He is exposed to the plots and is pretty certain sooner or later to fall into the snares of those atrocious parties who subsist on black-mail. And should he escape these complications, he still must lose self-respect, and carry about with him the burden of a guilty conscience and a broken vow.

6. Society Rules and Customs.—A young man can enjoy the society of ladies without being a "flirt." He can escort ladies to parties, public places of interest, social gatherings, etc., without showing special devotion to any one special young lady. When he finds the choice of his heart, then he will be justified to manifest it, and publicly proclaim it by paying her the compliment, exclusive attention. To keep a lady's company six months is a public announcement of an engagement.



1. First Love.—This is the most important dire of all. The first love experiences a tenderness, a purity and unreservedness, an exquisiteness, a devotedness, and a poetry belonging to no subsequent attachment. "Love, like life, has no second spring." Though a second attachment may be accompanied by high moral feeling, and to a devotedness to the object loved; yet, let love be checked or blighted in its first pure emotion, and the beauty of its spring is irrecoverably withered and lost. This does not mean the simple love of children in the first attachment they call love, but rather the mature intelligent love of those of suitable age.

2. Free from Temptations.—As long as his heart is bound up in its first bundle of love and devotedness—as long as his affections remain reciprocated and uninterrupted—so long temptations cannot take effect. This heart is callous to the charms of others, and the very idea of bestowing his affections upon another is abhorrent. Much more so is animal indulgence, which is morally impossible.

3. Second Love not Constant.—But let this first love be broken off, and the flood-gates of passion are raised. Temptations now flow in upon him. He casts a lustful eye upon every passing female, and indulges unchaste imaginations and feelings. Although his conscientiousness or intellect may prevent actual indulgence, yet temptations now take effect, and render him liable to err; whereas before they had no power to awaken improper thoughts or feelings. Thus many young men find their ruin.

4. Legal Marriage.—What would any woman give for merely a nominal or legal husband, just to live with and provide for her, but who entertained not one spark of love for her, or whose affections were bestowed upon another? How absurd, how preposterous the doctrine that the obligations of marriage derive their sacredness from legal enactments and injunctions! How it literally profanes this holy of holies, and drags down this heaven-born institution from its original, divine elevation, to the level of a merely human device. Who will dare to advocate the human institution of marriage without the warm heart of a devoted and loving companion!

5. Legislation.—But no human legislation can so guard this institution but that it may be broken in spirit, though, perhaps, acceded to in form; for, it is the heart which this institution requires. There must be true and devoted affection, or marriage is a farce and a failure.

6. The Marriage Ceremony and the Law Governing Marriage are for the protection of the individual, yet a man and woman may be married by law and yet unmarried in spirit. The law may tie together, and no marriage be consummated. Marriage therefore is Divine, and "whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder." A right marriage means a right state of the heart. A careful study of this work will be a great help to both the unmarried and the married.

7. Desertion and Divorce.—For a young man to court a young woman, and excite her love till her affections are riveted, and then (from sinister motives, such as, to marry one richer, or more handsome), to leave her, and try elsewhere, is the very same crime as to divorce her from all that she holds dear on earth—to root up and pull out her imbedded affections, and to tear her from her rightful husband. First love is always constant. The second love brings uncertainty—too often desertions before marriage and divorces after marriage.

8. The Coquet.—The young woman to play the coquet, and sport with the sincere affections of an honest and devoted young man, is one of the highest crimes that human nature can commit. Better murder him in body too, as she does in soul and morals, and it is the result of previous disappointment, never the outcome of a sincere first love.

9. One Marriage. One evidence that second marriages are contrary to the laws of our social nature, is the fact that almost all step-parents and step-children disagree. Now, what law has been broken, to induce this penalty? The law of marriage; and this is one of the ways in which the breach punishes itself. It is much more in accordance with our natural feelings, especially those of mothers, that children should be brought up by their own parent.

10. Second Marriage.—Another proof of this point is, that second marriage is more a matter of business. "I'll give you a home, if you'll take care of my children." "It's a bargain," is the way most second matches are made. There is little of the poetry of first-love, and little of the coyness and shrinking diffidence which characterize the first attachment. Still these remarks apply almost equally to a second attachment, as to second marriage.

11. The Conclusion of the Whole Matter.—Let this portion be read and pondered, and also the one entitled, "Marry your First Love if possible," which assigns the cause, and points out the only remedy, of licentiousness. As long as the main cause of this vice exists, and is aggravated by purse-proud, high-born, aristocratic parents and friends, and even by the virtuous and religious, just so long, and exactly in the same ratio will this blighting Sirocco blast the fairest flowers of female innocence and loveliness, and blight our noblest specimens of manliness. No sin of our land is greater.



1. Marrying for Wealth.—Those who marry for wealth often get what they marry and nothing else; for rich girls besides being generally destitute of both industry and economy, are generally extravagant in their expenditures, and require servants enough to dissipate a fortune. They generally have insatiable wants, yet feel that they deserve to be indulged in everything, because they placed their husbands under obligation to them by bringing them a dowry. And then the mere idea of living on the money of a wife, and of being supported by her, is enough to tantalize any man of an independent spirit.

2. Self-Support.—What spirited husband would not prefer to support both himself and wife, rather than submit to this perpetual bondage of obligation. To live upon a father, or take a patrimony from him, is quite bad enough; but to run in debt to a wife, and owe her a living, is a little too aggravating for endurance, especially if there be not perfect cordiality between the two, which cannot be the case in money matches. Better live wifeless, or anything else, rather than marry for money.

3. Money-Seekers.—Shame on sordid wife-seekers, or, rather, money-seekers; for it is not a wife that they seek, but only filthy lucre! They violate all their other faculties simply to gratify miserly desire. Verily such "have their reward"!

4. The Penitent Hour.—And to you, young ladies, let me say with great emphasis, that those who court and marry you because you are rich, will make you rue the day of your pecuniary espousals. They care not for you, but only your money, and when they get that, will be liable to neglect or abuse you, and probably squander it, leaving you destitute and abandoning you to your fate.

5. Industry the Sign of Nobility.—Marry a working, industrious young lady, whose constitution is strong, flesh solid, and health unimpaired by confinement, bad habits, or late hours. Give me a plain, home-spun farmer's daughter, and you may have all the rich and fashionable belles of our cities and villages.

6. Wasp Waists.—Marrying small waists is attended with consequences scarcely less disastrous than marrying rich and fashionable girls. An amply developed chest is a sure indication of a naturally vigorous constitution and a strong hold on life; while small waists indicate small and feeble vital organs, a delicate constitution, sickly offspring, and a short life. Beware of them, therefore, unless you wish your heart broken by the early death of your wife and children.

7. Marrying Talkers.—In marrying a wit or a talker merely, though the brilliant scintillations of the former, or the garrulity of the latter, may amuse or delight you for the time being, yet you will derive no permanent satisfaction from these qualities, for there will be no common bond of kindred feeling to assimilate your souls and hold each spell-bound at the shrine of the other's intellectual or moral excellence.

8. The Second Wife.—Many men, especially in choosing a second wife, are governed by her own qualifications as a housekeeper mainly, and marry industry and economy. Though these traits of character are excellent, yet a good housekeeper may be far from being a good wife. A good housekeeper, but a poor wife, may indeed prepare you a good dinner, and keep her house and children neat and tidy, yet this is but a part of the office of a wife; who, besides all her household duties, has those of a far higher order to perform. She should soothe you with her sympathies, divert your troubled mind, and make the whole family happy by the gentleness of her manners, and the native goodness of her heart. A husband should also likewise do his part.

9. Do Not Marry a Man With a Low, Flat Head; for, however fascinating, genteel, polite, tender, plausible or winning he may be, you will repent the day of your espousal.

10. Healthy Wires and Mothers.—Let girls romp, and let them range hill and dale in search of flowers, berries, or any other object of amusement or attraction; let them bathe often, skip the rope, and take a smart ride on horseback; often interspersing these amusements with a turn of sweeping or washing, in order thereby to develop their vital organs, and thus lay a substantial physical foundation for becoming good wives and mothers. The wildest romps usually make the best wives, while quiet, still, demure, sedate and sedentary girls are not worth having.

11. Small Stature.—In passing, I will just remark, that good size is important in wives and mothers. A small stature is objectionable in a woman, because little women usually have too much activity for their strength, and, consequently, feeble constitutions; hence they die young, and besides, being nervous, suffer extremely as mothers.

12. Hard Times and Matrimony.—Many persons, particularly young men, refuse to marry, especially "these hard time," because they cannot support a wife in the style they wish. To this I reply, that a good wife will care less for the style in which she is supported, than for you. She will cheerfully conform to your necessities, and be happy with you in a log-cabin. She will even help you support yourself. To support a good wife, even if she have children, is really less expensive than to board alone, besides being one of the surest means of acquiring property.

13. Marrying for a Home.—Do not, however, marry for a home merely, unless you wish to become even more destitute with one than without one; for, it is on the same footing with "marrying for money." Marry a man for his merit; and you take no chances.

14. Marry to Please No One But Yourself.—Marriage a matter exclusively your own; because you alone must abide its consequences. No person, not even a parent, has the least right to interfere or dictate in this matter. I never knew a marriage, made to please another, to turn out any otherwise than most unhappily.

15. Do Not Marry to Please Your Parents. Parents can not love for their children any more than they can eat or sleep, or breathe, or die and go to heaven for them. They may give wholesome advice merely, but should leave the entire decision to the unbiased judgment of the parties themselves, who mainly are to experience the consequences of their choice. Besides, such is human nature, that to oppose lovers, or to speak against the person beloved, only increases their desire and determination to marry.

16. Run-Away Matches.—Many a run-away match would never have taken place but for opposition or interference. Parents are mostly to be blamed for these elopements. Their children marry partly out of sprite and to be contrary. Their very natures tell them that this interference is unjust—as it really is—and this excites combativeness, firmness, and self-esteem, in combination with the social faculties, to powerful and even blind resistance—which turmoil of the faculties hastens the match. Let the affections of a daughter be once slightly enlisted in your favor, and then let the "old folks" start an opposition, and you may feel sure of your prize. If she did not love you before, she will now, that you are persecuted.

17. Disinheritance.—Never disinherit, or threaten to disinherit, a child for marrying against your will. If you wish a daughter not to marry a certain man, oppose her, and she will be sure to marry him; so also in reference to a son.

18. Proper Training.—The secret is, however, all in a nutshell. Let the father properly train his daughter, and she will bring her first love-letter to him, and give him an opportunity to cherish a suitable affection, and to nip an improper one in the germ, before it has time to do any harm.

19. The Fatal Mistakes of Parents.—There is, however one way of effectually preventing an improper match, and that is, not to allow your children to associate with any whom you are unwilling they should marry. How cruel as well at unjust to allow a daughter to associate with a young man till the affections of both are riveted, and then forbid her marrying him. Forbid all association, or consent cheerfully to the marriage.

20. An Intemperate Lover.—Do not flatter yourselves young women, that you can wean even an occasional wine drinker from his cups by love and persuasion. Ardent spirit at first, kindles up the fires of love into the fierce flames of burning licentiousness, which burn out every element of love and destroy every vestige of pure affection. It over-excites the passions, and thereby finally destroys it,—producing at first, unbridled libertinism, and then an utter barrenness of love; besides reversing the other faculties of the drinker against his own consort, and those of the wife against her drinking husband.



1. Conscious of the Duties of Her Sex.—A woman conscious of the duties of her sex, one who unflinchingly discharges the duties allotted to her by nature, would no doubt make a good wife.

2. Good Wives and Mothers.—The good wives and mothers are the women who believe in the sisterhood of women as well as in the brotherhood of men. The highest exponent of this type seeks to make her home something more than an abode where children are fed, clothed and taught the catechism. The State has taken her children into politics by making their education a function of politicians. The good wife and homemaker says to her children, "Where thou goest, I will go." She puts off her own inclinations to ease and selfishness. She studies the men who propose to educate her children; she exhorts mothers to sit beside fathers on the school-board; she will even herself accept such thankless office in the interests of the helpless youth of the schools who need a mother's as well as a father's and a teacher's care in this field of politics.

3. A Busy Woman.—As to whether a busy woman, is, a woman who labors for mankind in the world outside her home,—whether such an one can also be a good housekeeper, and care for her children, and make a real "Home, Sweet Home!" with all the comforts by way of variation, why! I am ready, as the result of years practical experience as a busy woman, to assert that women of affairs can also be women of true domestic tastes and habits.

4. Brainy Enough.—What kind of women make the best wives? The woman who is brainy enough to be a companion, wise enough to be a counsellor, skilled enough in the domestic virtues to be a good housekeeper, and loving enough to guide in true paths the children with whom the home may be blessed.

5. Found the Right Husband.—The best wife is the woman who has found the right husband, a husband who understands her. A man will have the best wife when he rates that wife as queen among women. Of all women she should always be to him the dearest. This sort of man will not only praise the dishes made by his wife, but will actually eat them.

6. Bank Account.—He will allow his life-companion a bank account, and will exact no itemized bill at the end of the month. Above all, he will pay the Easter bonnet bill without a word, never bring a friend to dinner without first telephoning home,—short, he will comprehend that the woman who makes the best wife is the woman whom, by his indulgence of her ways and whims, he makes the best wife. So after all, good husbands have the most to do with making good wives.

7. Best Home Maker.—A woman to be the best home maker needs to be devoid of intensive "nerves." She must be neat and systematic, but not too neat, lest she destroy the comfort she endeavors to create. She must be distinctly amiable, while firm. She should have no "career," or desire for a career, if she would fill to perfection the home sphere. She must be affectionate, sympathetic and patient, and fully appreciative of the worth and dignity of her sphere.

8. Know Nothing Whatsoever About Cooking or Sewing or Housekeeping.—I am inclined to make my answer to this question somewhat concise, after the manner of a text without the sermon. Like this: To be the "best wife" depends upon three things: first, an abiding faith with God; second, duty lovingly discharged as daughter, wife and mother; third, self-improvement, mentally, physically, spiritually. With this as a text and as a glittering generality, let me touch upon one or two practical essentials. In the course of every week it is my privilege to meet hundreds of young women,—prospective wives. I am astonished to find that many of these know nothing whatsoever about cooking or sewing or housekeeping. Now, if a woman cannot broil a beefsteak, nor boil the coffee when it is necessary, if she cannot mend the linen, nor patch a coat, if she cannot make a bed, order the dinner, create a lamp-shade, ventilate the house, nor do anything practical in the way of making home actually a home, how can she expect to make even a good wife, not to speak of a better or best wife? I need not continue this sermon. Wise girls will understand.

9. The Best Keeper of Home.—As to who is the best keeper of this transition home, memory pictures to me a woman grown white under the old slavery, still bound by it, in that little-out-of-the-way Kansas town, but never so bound that she could not put aside household tasks, at any time, for social intercourse, for religious conversation, for correspondence, for reading, and, above all, for making everyone who came near her feel that her home was the expression of herself, a place for rest, study, and the cultivation of affection. She did not exist for her walls, her carpets, her furniture; they existed for her and all who came to her She considered herself the equal of all; and everyone else thought her the superior of all.